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Ceci H's Letter of Testimony

I was raised by a single mom who did the best she knew how. We attended and served regularly the local Lutheran church. My mom likes to recount a story of me at age three, going forward at a prayer meeting for the altar call to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. (As an adult and mother, I know that while my childlike heart may have desired that, I could not truly know and understand the commitment at such a young age.)

As a teenager, I was still active in the church. I knew Jesus as my personal Savior, however I still struggled with my personal relationship. I had no earthly father, and I had no way to truly grasp the love of the Father for me. In many ways, I didn't even understand that I was blind to this. I knew the stories, I felt the Spirit, I read my Bible and prayed, and was in service in the community and at the church, but I was still missing many important parts of truly belonging to God.

Too young, I married a non-believer and had three children with him before I was 25. I continued to falter between my desire to be connected with a church and God, and my husband's apathy for the whole thing. Slowly, we grew apart, and my husband walked away from the marriage and the family. During the latter years of the marriage, I did make connections with a church and restore my relationship with God. During the separation and divorce, God became my closest friend. I began to read and study the Bible, to pray more regularly, and to trust in God in a way that I had not done before.

I have been separated for 5 years (divorced for 3 of those), and in that time, I have grown tremendously in my faith. My children know God and I am in constant prayer to model for them a personal relationship with God. Recently, after much prayer and heartache, I gave up my desire for a man in my life, giving God first place in my life. I am in the word daily, I pray for others during transit, and I spend time in personal prayer and reflection each evening. God speaks to me clearly, in hushed tones at times, and I am using my experience to encourage others around me.

I asked God to give me something better when He asked me to give up my desire for a husband and spiritual leader for my household. God is faithful and has moved me into the leadership of my church's small group ministry.

My children and I talk about our relationships with God, with the relationships modeled in the Word, and do devotions together daily as well. My greatest hope is that when people see me, they don't see how well I've done in making my life whole and my family healthy, but how faithful and great God has been to bring us healing. In all things, I am only the tool. God is the craftsman.
 
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